The Quiet Conservative May 16, 2010
America: The Musical!
Somewhere in the Upper West Side the playwright makes his pitch:
The scene opens with a gay Abraham Lincoln arguing with Jefferson Davis in a dress over whether he
did, or did not, get freaky with the ancestor of Malcom X. They aren't allowed to get married to each
other and that is the cause of their conflict. "I can quit you!" shouts a teary eyed Davis. "Our union
will be preserved!" shouts a butch Lincoln. The quarrel escalates into the Civil War. Outside, you can
hear the people in the streets shouting about how the government isn't doing enough to reign in
capitalism. "Power to the people!" The chant is heard. Two waves of muscle men in gray and blue
spandex flood the stage and do interpretive dance moves to tribal music as the lights fade.
Cut to earlier scene of Thomas Jefferson reading the same Koran that Congressman Keith Ellison will
later swear on when he takes office (swear on...over...with....whatever phrase doesn't get my head cut
off for saying-- Note to run that by CAIR to see what doesn't incite car bombing,). Jefferson realizes
he really is a Muslim and that historians will not get it right when they see him attending church services
in the House of Representatives. Jefferson is actually thinking of what is needed to turn it into a
mosque. Flash to outside the capital where Imperial forces are killing nature loving native people
picking up trash along the Oregon trail. Hegemony spreads like cancer. Pop up from stage left
uncontrolled suburban sprawl with people not using mass transportation. Fade to intermission with fat
white guys smoking big cigars dumping sewage into streams where poor minorities are bathing babies.
When everyone comes back from the lobby after smoking a medical blunt, jump to present day when
the Justice Department refuses to investigate ACORN, the Black Panther Party, or deals to
Congressmen to drop out of elections--a department that fills itself with lawyers who worked to free
terrorists, and is headed by a guy that condemns a state law he hasn't read. This crusading crime
fighter advocates special treatment for special groups, and none of them are white. That would be
racist. And, he won't even remotely consider there is a whole religion of people who are dedicated to
killing anyone who doesn't think like them, wanting to kill Americans. He is the hero of the third act.
Play the next scene against a Supreme Court nominee who has no track record to examine, and whose
major qualification seems to be she doesn't like the U.S. Hide all her personal life and papers and
simply keep her from the reactionary press. Give her an infomercial scripted by the Central Committee.
The tactic got a president elected, it is a sure fire way to get a Supreme Court nominee through.
Between the two they battle against freedom and America and bring it down in a thunderous crash of
red banners being waved from the rafters. The victory of Socialism over the illusion of individual
freedom is complete. Still thinking about the fireworks spouting hammer and sickle coming down
over a foam tombstone labeled "AmeriKKKa." That might not meet our carbon quota for the
production although the imagery is fab. It is a definite for a shot on the Today Show. You know
Olbermann will weep over such a Wagnerian moment.
The play ends with Mexico and Canada splitting the continent between them with truth commissions
and rainbow parades. It should have a great run on Broadway...or off Broadway unless we can get
Madonna to play the part of Kagan. Her agent says she is getting tired of kissing girls. So, what do
you think? Andrew Lloyd Webber is signed on for the music and Soros is financing it. Barney Frank
will produce; and he has a bunch of rainbow flags we can use. Word is Charlie Rangel is actually the
landlord of several theaters through some cut outs. He doesn't pay taxes on them, but we might have
an in. I'm thinking we open during the winter solstice when people are looking for somewhere to
huddle when we turn the heat off in their homes through the smart grid.
It's going to be a killer. People won't be talking about Phantom or Cats after this one. The other
version of America has had quite a run nationwide for over two hundred years. It's been done to
death. Time for the new Progressive version. It won't last more than four years, but guaranteed there
will be nothing left when it's over.
Sound good? We've been running a pre-production number for the last year. You ought to see the box
office numbers. They are trillions in the red.